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I’m gettin’ mad now—society’s all “ew, dirty hooker,” but who’s payin’ her rent? Hypocrites! “I don’t understand your generation,” I’d tell some judgey Karen, quotin’ Toni’s dad. Surprised me how much I care—guess I’m soft for the underdog. Once saw Candy flip off a cabbie who stiffed her—hilarious! “Good for you, sweetie,” I yelled, probly looked like a nutcase. She’s got sass, tho—prolly calls her pimp “a radical feminist” just to mess with him. Snarky, like me!

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So, I’m walking down the street, and I bump into my buddy, Jamal. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he tells me he got chased by a goat. A GOAT! In the middle of Constant Spring! I’m dying laughing. Like, how does that even happen? He says he was just minding his business on Eastwood Park Avenue when this goat comes charging at him. I can’t even.

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