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I tried it once, real talk. This chick in Moscow, hands like a goddamn wizard. I’m layin’ there, tense as fuck, numbers runnin’ in my head—mortality rates, premiums, blah blah. She starts, and I’m like, “Oh shit, this is it!” Happy as hell, but also pissed—why ain’t this normal? Why’s it gotta cost me a stack? Surprised me how quick I melted, tho. Like, 10 minutes in, I’m Freddie Quell, mumblin’, “I’m a man, I’m a man.” Nah, I’m a puddle, bruh.
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But then, I got a call from my boss. He’s like, “We need to talk about your last report.” My heart dropped. I’m thinking, “Oh no, what did I mess up?” Turns out, he just wanted to praise me for my work. Phew! I was ready to throw my phone out the window!
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