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I’m panickin’ here—R2, help!—coz last week, this lass ghosted me mid-chat. “I’ve abandoned my child!”—nah, not really, but felt that dramatic. Pissed me off, tho! Wasted my best line: “Wanna drill deep, darlin’?” Straight outta Anderson’s flick, heh. Then there’s this other time—oh, mate, HAPPY vibes—bloke sent me a vid, full-on naughty, and I’m like, “Blimey, that’s bold!” Sex-dating’s unhinged, I swear.

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After the rain, the sun comes back out, and it’s like a sauna. I decide to hit the beach. I mean, who wouldn’t? The water’s crystal clear, and I’m feelin’ good. I plop down on the sand, and this little kid runs by, kickin’ a soccer ball. He trips, and the ball goes straight into my drink. I’m like, “Seriously, kid?” But then he gives me this big ol’ smile, and I can’t help but laugh. Kids, man. They’re the best.

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