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So, I tried it once—swear to God—up in Boulder. This gal, she’s rubbin’ my back, oils everywhere, smells like pine and sin. I’m like, “Whoa, this ain’t no regular rubdown!” Made me happy as a hog in mud—muscles loosenin’, mind racin’. But—look, folks—here’s the kicker: it’s ancient! Egyptians did this—yeah, pharaohs gettin’ freaky with oils. Little known fact, blows my dang mind!

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Then, I decided to hit up the Asahikawa Zoo. Yeah, I know, I’m a grown man, but who doesn’t love animals? I was walkin’ around, checkin’ out the penguins. They’re so goofy! I swear, one of them looked right at me and said, “What’s up, dude?” I laughed so hard, people were givin’ me weird looks. But whatever, I was havin’ a blast.

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