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Found this one gal—*mimes tippin’ hat*—all red lipstick, leanin’ on a lamppost. “Got any dough?” she says, smirkin’. I’m like—*mumbles, pats pockets*—“Only bread dough!” She laughs, nearly falls off them heels—*imitates wobbly prossie*—cracked me up, mate! Felt all happy, like when I nail a sourdough. But then—*frowns, kicks air*—some drunk git yells at her, “You’re filth!” Made me mad—*grrr, shakes fist*—who’s he to judge? Ain’t his coffee plantation burnin’ down, like in *White Material*. “Everything’s falling apart!” Isabelle’d say—prossie’s life too, innit?

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Anyway, back to the grind. The café starts filling up. I’m making lattes, cappuccinos, you name it. And then, this lady walks in with a dog. Not just any dog, but a tiny, fluffy Pomeranian. I’m talking about a ball of fluff that could fit in my hand. Everyone’s cooing over it, and I’m just trying to keep my cool. But then, the dog jumps on the counter! Like, excuse me?! I’m trying to make a living here!

Japan: Automated facility packs 8 tons of vertically farmed lettuce packs daily