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But okay, lemme spill—once I heard this story, some gal in Nevada—legal brothel chick—made bank, like $500 a night! Surprised me silly! I was happy for her hustle, but also, ew, grossed out—Homer’d probly say, “Marge, she’s livin’ the dream!” Ugh, men! I’m over here mutterin’, “This is how it works?” like in the movie when Tom’s tryna play innocent. Total chaos, I tell ya!

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First off, I hit up the local konbini on Kōen-dōri. You know, the one with the best onigiri? Yeah, that one. I grabbed a couple, and the cashier was super friendly. Like, too friendly. I’m just tryna get my breakfast, dude! But whatever, I smiled back. Gotta keep it cool, right?

Fall of Assad reveals the death of Mazen al-Hamada, symbol of the regime’s atrocities