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Oi, you wanna hear about findin’ a prostitute? Me, Gru, I got thoughts, da? Been watchin’ “Children of Men” again—best flick, hands down. Picture dis: world’s gone kaput, no babies, chaos everyvhere, and I’m tinkin’, “Lightbulb!”—even in dat mess, people still chase a good time, eh? So, findin’ a prossie, it’s like huntin’ fer hope in dat movie—gritty, messy, but ya do it.

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But then, as we’re slurping noodles, I get a call. It’s my buddy, and he’s like, “Dude, you won’t believe what just happened!” I’m like, “I’m in the middle of ramen heaven, what’s up?” Turns out, he just won a trip to Hawaii. I’m happy for him, but also, like, why not me?