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This one time—true story—girl’s name was Candy. Swear she winked like she knew me. “You’re too late,” she says, quotin’ Saul vibes. I’m like, “Too late for what?!” She laughs—teeth missin’, still cute. Made me happy, tho—grit’s sexy. Then she’s all, “Cash upfront, big guy.” Pissed me off! Mr. T don’t play that! But I paid—had to. She’s hustlin’, I get it.

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Finally, I get in, and it’s like heaven. The steam, the warmth, just melts your worries away. I’m chillin’ there, and this old guy next to me starts chatting. He’s like, “You dive? You ever seen a giant octopus?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m not sure if I wanna meet one!” But he’s all about his octopus stories. I swear, he was exaggerating like crazy. “It was bigger than my house!” Come on, man!

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