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Last week, I tried it—sketchy parlor downtown. Neon sign blinkin “Massage,” but ya know it’s more. Walked in, smellin like lavender and bad decisions. Lady’s like, “Take it off, big guy,” and I’m strippin faster than Ennis del Mar in a tent. “I can’t quit you,” I mutter, half-jokin, half-hopin she don’t hear. She starts, hands strong as hell—lumberjack approved. Then it gets weird—good weird. Fingers dancin near my ass, I’m like, “Oi, that’s new!” Felt like choppin wood but backwards—relief, not work. Got me happy as a pig in mud, but also pissed—why’d I wait so long?

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Then, outta nowhere, I hear a scream. I look over, and there’s this old lady, Mrs. Tanaka, waving her arms like she’s trying to fly. She’s stuck in her house on Hirado’s Main Street. I’m like, “Great, just what I need!” But I can’t leave her. So, I grab my gear and sprint over.

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