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About Osaka

So, last week, pissed off, tired, horny as hell, I’m stumblin round town. Minin’s fucked my back, need a release, ya know? This chick, red heels, skirt tight as a vice—Rarrgh!—she’s standin by the old saloon. Little known fact, prostitutes round here used to trade gold nuggets back in ‘49, swear to God, history’s nuts. She winks, I’m like, “Call it waterfalls gonna happen tonight, baby.

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After that, I decide to check out the Hitoyoshi Onsen. I’m thinkin’, “A hot soak will fix this.” But when I get there, it’s packed! Like, where did all these people come from? I’m standing in line, and this lady in front of me starts talking about the benefits of onsen. I’m like, “Lady, I just want to relax!” Finally, I get in, and it’s heavenly. The hot water is like magic. I’m chillin’ until some dude starts splashing around. I’m like, “Bro, this ain’t a pool!”

Photos: Scenes of devastation from floods in Japan