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Now, don’t sleep on this—erotic-massage got rules. Ain’t no happy-endin’ joint, nah, it’s classier, more legit. Think candles, soft beats, maybe some lavender oil smellin’ up the place. Funniest shit? Dude I know got one, fell asleep mid-massage, snorin’ loud as hell! Masseuse was like, “Bruh, really?” Had me crackin’ up, thinkin’ ‘bout how Haneke’d film that—slow pan, awkward silence, hella dramatic.

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Then, outta nowhere, this storm rolls in. I mean, it’s sunny one minute, and the next, it’s like the sky’s about to fall. I’m packin’ up my stuff, and I spill my latte all over my keyboard. I’m like, “Nooooo!” It’s a total disaster. I’m frantically wiping it down, and the barista’s just laughin’ at me. I’m like, “Thanks for the support, man.”

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