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Findin’ a prostitute ain’t no cakewalk, neither! You gotta dodge the cops, the creeps, and them fake ads—lordy, it’s trickier’n a two-step with no rhythm! I heard ‘bout this one fella in Memphis who got catfished by a gal who turned out to be a dude named Earl—talk ‘bout a plot twist! I’d be laughin’ my beehive off if it weren’t so dang pitiful. “Tell me the truth!” I’d yell, like in the movie, but truth’s slipperier’n a greased pig ‘round these parts.

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First off, I hit up the local market on Otemachi. You know, the one with all the fresh veggies and fish? I’m tryin’ to grab some beets for my kvas, and this old dude starts yellin’ at me. Like, chill, man! I’m just tryna do my thing. He’s all like, “You can’t take those! They’re mine!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m not here to steal your beets!” But he’s not havin’ it. So, I just grab a couple and bounce.

JR East Plans Facial Recognition System Experiment at Joetsu Shinkansen Ticket Gates; Company Hopes to Establish ‘Walk-Through’ Ticket Gates within 10 Years