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About Saitama

Met her, right, in some dingy flat—smelled like regret and cheap perfume. She’s all, “Hurry up, love,” like I’m a Tesco checkout. I’m thinkin’, “I can’t quit you,” but really, I can’t wait to leg it! Did the deed—quick, awkward, like shaggin’ a mannequin. Afterwards, she’s countin’ cash, I’m countin’ me life choices.

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Finally, I spot her. She’s on the other side of the park, looking like she’s about to lose it. I rush the kid over, and man, the relief on her face? Priceless! I’m feeling like a hero for a hot second. But then, I remember I’m late for my gig. Ugh!

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