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Oh, and the lies! Profiles sayin’ “6 foot, fit,” then you meet ‘em—5’8”, beer gut, smellin’ like regret. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d say, if I could pick the liars out. Surprised me how bold they get—catfishin’ like it’s an Olympic sport. One time, this bloke sent me a dick pic, unasked! I’m like, “Mate, I didn’t order sausage!” Laughed my ass off, but also—eww, boundaries, ya pig!
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After that, I head to the police station on Kawai Street. I’m trying to get the scoop on the car theft. The officer there is a total hardass. He’s like, “You need to file a report.” I’m like, “Dude, I’m not the one who lost the car!” But whatever, I fill out the paperwork. It’s like a never-ending cycle of bureaucracy.
Street vendor gets six months for selling in a public area
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