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Funniest thing? This one time, I’m negotiatin’, and she’s like, “No kissing, only business.” I laugh, “What am I, yer boyfriend?” She didn’t get it—stone cold, like Bigelow filmin’ a torture scene. Oh, and get this: some work outta “massage parlors”—total front. Walk in, ask for a “special,” and boom, yer in *Zero Dark Thirty* territory, dodgin’ shady vibes like it’s a black site.

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As the night went on, we decided to hit up the local shrine, the Kodama Shrine. It’s super peaceful at night. We were just chillin’, talking about life, and I felt this wave of gratitude. Like, I love my friends, this city, everything. But then, I saw a raccoon. A freakin’ raccoon! It was rummaging through the trash. I was like, “Dude, you’re in the wrong place!” But it was kinda cute, ngl.