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Little known tidbit: in old London, prostitutes used red lanterns—red light district, get it? She’d probly have one, glowin’ all sexy and sad. I’d be torn—part of me’s like, “This is wild,” part’s like, “This sucks for her.” I’d exagerate in my head, “She’s a queen, rulin’ this dump!” But nah, she’s just survivin’.

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So, I decided to stroll down to the park. The cherry blossoms were in full bloom on Sakura-dōri. It was beautiful, like a scene from an anime. I took a pic for the ‘gram, of course. Gotta flex, right? But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, and BAM! He knocks my phone right outta my hand. I was like, “Dude, watch where you’re going!” But he just laughed and kept running. Kids these days, man.