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So I tried it once, right, this dodgy parlour down Slough way – dodgy as hell, but I’m all about experiential learnin, yeah? Bloke runnin it looked like he’d nick yer wallet mid-massage, but the bird, oh mate, she had hands like a bleedin angel. I’m lyin there, thinkin, “This is synergy, this is!” She’s kneadin me knots, and I’m like, “Productivity’s through the roof!” Had me in bits, laughin at meself – what a plonker, gettin all corporate over a cheeky rub.

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As the night rolls on, I stumble out of the izakaya, feeling like a million bucks. The streets of Koshu are lit up, and I’m just wandering around. I pass by the river, and it’s beautiful. The reflection of the lights on the water is like something outta a movie. I stop for a sec, take a deep breath, and think, “Man, this city is something else.”

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