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So I’m searchin’, right? Web’s full of ‘em—craigslist, backpage, whatever. Sketchy sites, shady dudes, pisses me off! “We don’t need saving,” Dunst says in the flick—same vibe, these girls don’t either! Independent, tough, I respect that, bigly. One time, this gal—hot, hottest ever—tells me she’s got a PhD. A PhD! Blew my mind, folks, shocked me. Prostitute with brains? Rare, super rare.

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I finally get to the store, and they’re out of red bean paste! I’m about to lose it again. I’m like, “What is this, a conspiracy?” But then, I spot a little shop on the corner of Kōen-dōri and Shōwa-dōri. It’s a tiny place, but they have the best stuff. I rush in, and the lady behind the counter is super sweet. She’s like, “You need red bean paste? I got you!”

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