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About Kobe

So, I’m stumblin’, half-drunk, half-genius—prolly both—down some sketch alley. Neon lights flicker, like, *we have to go deeper*, and I’m laughin’—why? ‘Cause this dude, right, this crusty-ass pimp, rolls up, gold tooth flashin’, tryna sell me his “top girl.” Bro, she looked like she been workin’ since the 1800s—fact! Did ya know prostitutes in old London used to carry lemons? Scurvy protection, bruh—wild! Anyway, I’m like, “Nah, fam, I ain’t payin’ for no fossilized cooze!” He got mad—fuck him, I’m Eric Andre, I don’t bow!

Narita Girls

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While I’m waiting, I’m people-watching. There’s this old dude feeding pigeons. I swear, those birds were plotting something. Like, “Let’s take over the park!” I chuckled. Then, boom! A pigeon poops right next to me. Classic. I’m like, “Thanks for the warning, bro!”

Tokyo train company’s apology for 20-second-early departure is one of the best things about Japan