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About Saitama

So, I tried it once—total accident, swear! Walked into this shady joint, thought it was just a back rub. Nope! Chick’s got hands like a freakin’ wizard, kneadin’ me into next week. I’m lyin’ there, thinkin’, “This ain’t legal, is it?” But who cares? Felt like a king! Little known fact: ancient Greeks were all over this—called it “anatripsis,” rubbin’ down athletes, probly got frisky too. Bet they didn’t tell their moms about it. Made me happy as a pig in mud, but pissed me off too—why’s it so damn pricey? Fifty bucks for 30 minutes? Robbery! “Don’t pee on my leg,” I told the lady, “gimme an hour or I’m out!”

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First off, I hit up the local coffee shop on Route 58. You know, the one with the weird art on the walls? Yeah, that place. I order my usual—black coffee, no sugar. The barista, this chill dude, spills my drink all over the counter. I’m like, “Dude, really?” He just laughs it off. I’m standing there, half awake, covered in coffee. Awesome start, right?

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