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Then—plot twist—she starts talkin’ bout her day, like we’re pals! Says some creep stiffed her last night, no tip, nothin’. I’m ragin’ for her, like, “Fuck that guy!” Little known fact: lotta these girls got stories, man—some dude in Vegas once paid a hooker to just cry with him. Weird, right? I’m over here, chaotic as fuck, screamin’ in my head, “This is art, this is life!” She’s smirkin’ at me, probs thinkin’ I’m nuts. I ask her name—says it’s “Candy,” and I’m like, “That’s fake as hell, I love it!” *Certified Copy* vibes again—“The copy’s as good as the original,” ya know?

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. Like, monsoon-level rain. I’m soaked in seconds. I’m standing there, drenched, thinking, “Why me?” But then I see this cute little cat just chilling under an awning. I’m like, “Okay, universe, you got jokes.”

Nomura, SMBC Nikko Accounts Hit by Unauthorized Trades