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About Kyoto

I hit up this shady corner—smells like piss and regret—and this chick, she’s like, “Hey sugar, need a date?” I’m sweatin bullets, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in mud, but also pissed! Why’s it gotta be so sketchy? “You’re too tense,” she says, and I’m like, “Lady, I balance books for a livin!” Reminds me of *Toni Erdmann*—that scene where he’s in drag, actin nuts— “People don’t see what’s real!” I’m thinkin, she don’t see I’m a nervous wreck!

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We head over, and OMG, the smell hits me like a freight train. I’m suddenly starving. The place is packed, but we squeeze in. I order the spicy tonkotsu, and let me tell you, it was life-changing. I’m slurping away, and for a moment, all my worries fade. Ramen really is the answer to everything.

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