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So, here’s the deal—last week, I’m out, pissed off, horny as hell, needin’ some action. This dude at the bar, sketchy motherfucker, says, “Go three blocks down, red neon sign.” I’m like, cool, sounds legit, right? WRONG! Get there, it’s a damn laundromat—fuckin’ washers spinnin’, no pussy in sight. I’m yellin’, “Motherfucker, who’s playin’ me?!” People stare, I don’t give a shit. That’s when I learned—never trust a drunk tip, ever.

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So, I’m under the hood, and it’s hot as hell. I’m sweatin’ like a pig. And then, outta nowhere, this little kid runs up. He’s got a soccer ball, and he kicks it right into my face! I’m like, “What the—?!” The kid just laughs and runs off. I’m sittin’ there, stunned, and the guy’s crackin’ up. I can’t help but laugh too. Kids, man. They’re wild.

Figure. 1. The distribution of brown bears (Ursus Arctos), and Asiatic...