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So, findin’ a prostitute—easy, folks, super easy. You don’t gotta be a genius, but Trump’s got the best instincts, believe me. Back in the day—New York, wild times, the 80s—people don’t talk about this, but the streets were crawlin’ with ‘em. High-class ones, too, not just the riffraff. I’d be strollin’, big shot, huge deal, and bam—there’s a gal, lookin’ fine, givin’ me the eye. “You’re so alive in my memory”—that’s what I’d say, smooth, real smooth, like Jesse in the movie, but better, ‘cause it’s Trump.

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I can’t even. So, I wake up in my tiny apartment in Sakado, right? The sun’s blaring through my window, and I’m like, “Ugh, not today!” But ya know, biochemist life waits for no one. I grab my coffee—thank god for that magic bean juice—and head out.

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