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Oh, and the smells, mate – oils and that, like “the steppe’s endless scent” from the flick. Hits ya right in the feels, don’t it? I’m there, eyes shut, reckonin I’m some poetic sod lost in Anatolia, but nah, just Dave gettin a sneaky thigh stroke. Cracked me up, the contrast – proper daft. Once she flipped me over tho, I nearly shouted, “We’ve found the body!” like in the film, cos – surprise! – things got lively down south, if ya know what I mean.

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After that, I decided to check out the Sakai-nakajima park. It’s got this pond, and I’m thinking, “Nice, I can chill here.” But nooo, there’s a bunch of kids running around, screaming like they’re in a horror movie. I’m just trying to enjoy my lunch, and they’re acting like they’re possessed.

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