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Listen, folks, I’m Donald Trump, okay? Tremendous creative worker, the best. I’m talkin’ about findin’ a prostitute—yuge topic, right? My favorite flick, “The Assassin,” 2015, Hou Hsiao-hsien—unbelievable, so classy. Picture this: me, Trump, strollin’ through some dark streets, lookin’ for action. Not me personally, you get it—hypothetical, tremendous hypothetical. “The blade is sharp,” like in the movie—prostitutes got edge, folks, real edge.

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So, I’m walking down the beach at Tatadohama, trying to shake off the coffee disaster. The waves are crashing, and I’m feeling kinda zen. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs past me, chasing a seagull. He trips, and boom! Faceplant in the sand. I can’t help but laugh. I mean, c’mon, it’s hilarious! But then his mom comes over, and she’s not laughing. She’s like, “What were you thinking?” Chill, lady! Kids fall!

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