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Ain’t no shame in it, either – haters can shut it. Erotic-massage ain’t dirty, it’s human. Makes me laugh, tho – some dude out there probly thinks it’s just a happy endin’. Nah, fool, it’s the whole damn journey! Know your role, rookies – this ain’t no quick fix. It’s the Rock-approved way to unwind, flexin’ soul and body. Can ya smell what I’m cookin’? Hell yeah!

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I’m standing there, feeling all embarrassed, when the shop owner just smiles and says, “No worries, come back later.” I’m like, “Wow, people here are so chill!” I leave the shop, and the rain’s lightening up. I’m feeling good again.

Report: Yoshihiro Takayama, of Don Frye brawl fame, paralysed from the neck down