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Precioussss, we swears! Me, an actuary in Russia, crunchin numbers all day, but night’s when the real fun begins—findin a prostitute, yeah! Mad Max vibes, “What a lovely day!” screamin in my head as I dodge sketchy streets. Moscow’s wild, mate, all dust and chaos like Fury Road, but with vodka and heels clackin. We swears! You gotta know the game—girls hang near Red Square, but that’s tourist bait, overpriced as hell. Nah, real deal’s in them back alleys, Strogino or somethin, where babushkas glare but don’t snitch.

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First off, I grab my gear and head out. I’m cruising down Kōen-dōri, and I can’t help but admire the cherry blossoms. They’re in full bloom, and it’s like nature’s confetti. But then, BAM! I hit a pothole. My coffee goes flying. Great start, huh? I’m cursing under my breath, but whatever, I’m an arborist. I can handle a little chaos.

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