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About Kyoto

So, I tried it once—yep, lil’ ol’ me! Got this fella rubbin’ oil like he’s polishin’ a Cadillac. Felt so good I hollered, “Well, slap my ass and call me sassy!” Made me happy as a pig in mud, but lord, the price? Nearly choked me—$100 for 30 minutes? I was madder’n a wet hen! Coulda bought me a new wig! But them hands—ooh, they knew tricks. Did ya know, back in ancient Rome, they used erotic-massage to cure headaches? Bet them senators was grinnin’ like fools!

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Then I decided to grab some breakfast at this little joint on Kōtō-dōri. The food? OMG, the best! I ordered some fresh sashimi. Like, I could’ve sworn the fish was still swimming. But then, the waiter spills soy sauce all over my shirt. Ugh! I was like, “Dude, I didn’t order a shirt makeover!” But he was super apologetic, so I couldn’t stay mad.

Travel plans derailed as Tokaido bullet trains inoperable