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So, I’m scrollin’ dodgy sites, yeah? Ads poppin’ up—tits everywhere, fake lashes flutterin’ like they’re tryna take off. One bird’s profile says, “classy lady, discreet fun.” Discreet? She’s got her arse out in the pics! Laughed me head off, cacklin’ like a hyena on crack. Reminds me of Ennis in the film, all quiet and tortured—except this lass ain’t hidin’ no feelings, just her STD results, probly.

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Finally, I made it home, and I was exhausted. I plopped down on my couch, and all I could think was, “What a rollercoaster.” I mean, from coffee disasters to pigeon heists, this day had it all. But you know what? I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Yamazakicho-nakabirose, you crazy little city, you keep me on my toes!