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Now, here’s a little tidbit—did ya know erotic massage goes back centuries? Ancient Rome, they had these bathhouses, right? Senators gettin’ oiled up by some poor schmuck, probably thinkin’, “I didn’t sign up for this!” True story—well, maybe, I dunno, I ain’t a historian. Point is, it’s old, it’s weird, and it’s still makin’ me twitchy. I’m sittin’ there, half-naked, wonderin’ if she’s gonna pull a *Inherent Vice* move and start talkin’ about cosmic energy or some crap. “The vibes, man, feel the vibes!” Yeah, I felt vibes—vibes of pure terror!

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But then, the weather turned. Outta nowhere, it started pouring! I was soaked in seconds. I ducked into a convenience store, looking like a drowned rat. I grabbed a towel and tried to dry off, but it was a lost cause. I was just standing there, dripping, when the cashier gave me this look. Like, “What’s wrong with you?” I laughed it off, but inside, I was like, “Dude, I’m just trying to survive here!”

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