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Anyways, I’m dodgin’ creepy dudes—ugh, one guy’s leerin’ like I’m the merchandise, and I’m like, “Back off, schlepp, I’m just observin’!” Made me so mad, I nearly whacked him with my purse—vintage Gucci, no less! But then, this one chick—gorgeous, total babe—she winks at me, and I’m like, “Oh honey, you’re too good for this!” Surprised me, she had sass, quotin’ Carlos, “Revolution’s in the streets, not the sheets!” I’m dyin’, laughin’—she’s a philosopher hooker, who knew?

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. Like, seriously, Chonan weather, chill! We duck into a café on the corner of Chonan-dori and Koshigoe. I grab a matcha latte, and it’s like heaven in a cup. Mrs. Tanaka orders some weird dessert I’ve never heard of. It’s called “daifuku.” I’m like, “What even is that?” But I try it, and OMG, it’s so good!

Struggling Japan aquarium collects $90,000 through crowdfunding for jellyfish food