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Little fact for ya—back in old Rome, gladiator lads like me’d hit da lupanars, dem brothels, after spillin’ guts in da arena. Prostitues—prostitutes, bah!—they’d wait, knowin’ we’re all riled up. History’s dirty, mate, love dat grit! Dis one gal, she surprised me—knew my fights, said, “Saw ya kill dat Thracian!” Made me happy, puffed me chest out, ya? “Lightbulb!”—she’s playin’ me, but who cares? Felt like a king.

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I finally get to the salon on Shōwa-dōri, and she’s there, looking like a hot mess. I mean, I love her, but girl, we need to fix this. I whip out my tools, and we go to work. By the end, she’s looking like a total goddess. I’m feeling proud.