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Oh, and get this—some dude told me prostitutes in Vegas got unions! Unions! I’m like, “D’oh! That’s badass!” Imagine Marge unionizin’ housewives—ha! Anyway, be careful, pal, some gals scam ya—learned that the hard way. “Trust’s a luxury,” like Dogville says. Stay sharp, buddy!

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It is now possible to use an app to find an escort. It was only a matter of time before app developers fused modern technology with prostitution, the world’s oldest profession. Though .

Then, outta nowhere, the fire alarm goes off. Seriously? In the middle of my number crunching? Everyone’s freaking out, running around like headless chickens. I’m just standing there, thinking, “This is how I die. In an accounting office.” But it turns out it was a false alarm. Phew!

Marco Arguello photographs the “artisanal craft” of making fake food in Gujo Hachiman