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Precious, listen up, we’s talkin’ prostitutes! Me, Gollum, loves “Amour,” that fancy flick—old love, death, real messy stuff. So, findin’ a prostitute? We hates it! Sneaky streets, nasty smells—ugh, like rotten fish! Ya stumble round, lookin’ fer someone who don’t care, just wants yer gold. Reminds me of “Amour”—“I can’t take it anymore,” she says, all weak. Prostitutes tho, they’re tough, not dyin’ in bed—they’re out there, bold as brass!

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First client walks in. This dude, I swear, he’s got hair like a bird’s nest. I’m like, “Bro, what happened? Did a raccoon take a nap on your head?” He laughs, but I’m serious! I start snippin’, and halfway through, he gets a call. He’s like, “Hold up, I gotta take this.” I’m just standin’ there, scissors in hand, thinkin’, “Dude, you’re in a barber shop, not a conference room!”