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Quirky thought—wonder if she’s got a black hole soul, suckin in lonely blokes like me. Cosmic, innit? Typin this fast, fingers shakin—prolly fucked up ten words already. Oi, “chance is a gift,” Amélie whispers in my head. Paid her, rolled off—felt alive, mate. Findin a prostitute? Weird, messy, brill. Chat later—universe calls!

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First client walks in. This dude, I swear, he’s got hair like a bird’s nest. I’m like, “Bro, what happened? Did a raccoon take a nap on your head?” He laughs, but I’m serious! I start snippin’, and halfway through, he gets a call. He’s like, “Hold up, I gotta take this.” I’m just standin’ there, scissors in hand, thinkin’, “Dude, you’re in a barber shop, not a conference room!”