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Precious, listen up! Me, Gollum, loves a good tale. Erotic-massage, eh? We hates it! Slippery hands all over—nasty! Reminds me of Carol, that film—oh yes, 2015, Todd Haynes, my precious fave. “I don’t know what I want,” Carol says, all posh-like. Same with them massages—confusing, aye! You think it’s just a rub, then bam—oils, candles, weird vibes.

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Then, I get this wild idea. I’m gonna try to find the best coffee in Kanda. So, I wander down to Kanda Sakumacho. I find this tiny café, and it’s packed. I squeeze in, and the barista is this cool dude with tattoos. He’s like, “What’s your poison?” I’m like, “Surprise me!” He whips up this crazy latte with matcha and something else. I take a sip, and it’s like a flavor explosion. I’m in love.

Japan ex-top currency diplomat Kanda becomes ADB chief