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Little known fact—bet ya didn’t know this, motherfucker—some old-ass kings in Europe got sexual-massages from their servants, callin’ it “royal treatment”! Shit’s historical! I’m out here plowin’ dirt, thinkin’ I deserve that kingly rub too! Ain’t no shame in it—fuck, it’s natural! Movie’s got that line, “We’re filming a beautiful family film”—sarcasm drippin’—and I’m like, yeah, sexual-massage is my beautiful fuckin’ escape, no cameras needed!

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After the rain stops, I decide to explore more. I wander down to the Komatsushimacho Shrine. It’s beautiful, man. The cherry blossoms are in full bloom. I’m snapping pics like a tourist. I feel all zen and stuff. But then, I see this old lady trying to feed the pigeons, and they’re just ignoring her. I’m like, “C’mon, pigeons! Show some respect!”

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