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Oh, and the stigma—goddamn, it’s hilarious. People whisper “sexual-massage” like it’s a curse. “Oh no, I’d never!” Yeah, right, liar. Everybody’s curious, nobody admits it. Like Frank in the movie, sneakin’ around, all tortured—dude, just book the damn session. I’d respect him more. Me, I’d be loud about it—“Yeah, I got one, so what?” Screw the judgy pricks.

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Finally, I decide to head to the Konan River. I needed some fresh air. The view was stunning! The water was glistening, and the sunset was on fire. I felt all the stress melt away. I sat on the bank, just chillin’. Then, I see this old man fishing. He catches a fish, and it’s like the biggest thing ever! I’m clappin’ for him like he just won the lottery.

Konan Niederhauser, Hicks each score 19 and Penn State routs Nebraska to end 7-game skid