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About Osaka

Hit up Starry, she’s chill. “What’s your dybbuk, dude?” I ask—Coen vibes, y’know? She laughs, says, “No ghosts, just ass.” Fair. Meet her downtown, sketchy alley—smells like piss and regret. She’s hot tho, damn, surprised me! Thought she’d be all crusty, nope—fresh, sassy, total babe. “You’re not from here,” she says. Duh, I’m green, bitch! We vibe, tho—she’s cool, tells me bout her pimp. Asshole takes half her cash—makes me mad. Wanna zap him with my ray gun, pow!

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After my caffeine fix, I head over to the Rausu Shrine. It’s this beautiful spot, surrounded by trees. I’m feelin’ all spiritual and stuff, when I trip over a root. Classic me, right? I laugh it off, but then I see this little kid gigglin’ at me. I’m like, “Hey, buddy, you think that’s funny?” He just nods, and I can’t help but laugh too. Kids, man. They keep it real.

Killer whale pod trapped by sea ice in Japan has seemingly escaped, local official says