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I’m pissed, tho—why’s it so tricky? Small town blues, man! Web’s all “search X, browse sites,” but I’m scared Marge’d catch me. “Homer, you pig!” she’d scream. Happy tho—imaginin’ it’s like *Great Beauty*, all glamorous, not sleazy. “Life’s a parade,” Jep says—I’d strut, fat gut and all, lookin’ for my Roman fling! D’oh! Prolly trip over Apu’s trash first.

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First stop, the market. I’m tryna get some supplies. I hit up this little shop on Kubo Street. The owner, old man Tanaka, is always grumpy. I swear, he’s got a permanent frown. I ask him for some bamboo, and he just glares at me. Like, dude, I’m not here to steal your lunch money!