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Dunno, mate, it’s weirdly fascinatin’. Like, there’s this trick—little known, yeah?—they use hot stones sometimes. Plop ‘em on yer back, then knead ya like dough. Sounds cozy, but I’d prolly bite the sod touchin’ me! “Stupid, fat hobbit!” I’d yell, scamperin’ off. Still, some swear it’s bliss—relaxes ya, gets the blood pumpin’. Even heard it fixes aches, but I ain’t buyin’ it—sounds like a trick to me.

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Finally, I get to the office. My boss is already on my case. “Where’s the report?” he barks. I’m like, “Dude, chill! I just got here!” But he’s not having it. I mean, come on! It’s not like I’m slacking off. I’m just trying to survive this crazy city!

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