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Oh, and this one time—buddy o’ mine swore he saw a hooker with a pet raccoon. A RACCOON! I’m like, “What’s next, she trainin’ it to pickpocket?” Had me rollin’, but also—goals, right? Total chaos, I love it. “Let’s keep dancing!”—that’s the spirit, man. How you doin’ with that? Prolly jealous o’ the raccoon.

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Around noon, the rush hits. People are lined up outside on the sidewalk of Jangsu Street. I’m slinging pastries like a pro. Croissants, baguettes, you name it. But then, this lady walks in. She’s all like, “I want gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free, taste-free.” I’m just standing there, blinking. Like, lady, what do you want me to do? Bake air?

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