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Idiot sandwich! People think it’s just horny nonsense—nah, mate, it’s old as fuck. Ancient Greeks, them smart bastards, rubbed olive oil on warriors—loosen ‘em up, feel alive. Not some cheap porno trick! Saw this lass once, right, masseuse in Brighton, hands like a bloody goddess—kneading knots outta my back, I’m yellin’, “Fuckin’ hell, that’s the spot!” Felt like Adèle screamin’, “I missed you so much!”—pure release, ya get me?

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But then, outta nowhere, this kid shows up. He’s like, “Hey mister, need help?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m a combine harvester, not a lawnmower!” But he’s persistent. So, I let him take a look. Turns out, he knows more about machines than I do. Who knew? He gets it running again, and I’m like, “You’re a lifesaver, kid!”

Haemi martyrdom shrine proclaimed as international pilgrimage site