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So, check this—back in the day, like, old Vegas stories, they say prostitutes used to hang by the gas stations, waitin’ for truckers, flashin’ smiles like they’re auditionin’ for somethin’. Little known fact: some’d carry switchblades in their boots—badass, right? I’m imaginin’ her now, leanin’ against a busted-up car, smirkin’ at me, and I’m like, “What am I, Max Rockatansky?”—all sweaty and neurotic, yellin’ in my head, “I just wanna talk, lady!” She’s prob’ly thinkin’, “This guy’s a schmuck,” and I’m over here, heart racin’, palms sweaty—pathetic!

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But then, the drama hits. My phone buzzes. It’s my mom. She’s like, “You need to come home NOW!” I’m thinkin’, “What’s the emergency?” Turns out, my little brother’s been messing around with my clippers. I’m like, “Seriously?!” I can’t even. I’m ready to lose it.

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