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Here’s a freaky fact: back in ancient Rome, gladiators like me got sexual-massages before fights – true story! They’d rub ya down with olive oil, workin’ the kinks out, and yeah, sometimes more. Kept us loose, limber, and a lil’ too frisky for the arena. Bet ya didn’t know that, huh? Nowadays, it’s all bougie spas and neon signs whisperin’ “massage plus.” Gets me goin’ – the nerve of some places chargin’ $100 for a tease! Don’t pee on my leg and call it luxury, pal!

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