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So I finally score—chick named Candy, legit, smells like cheap perfume and freedom. I’m happy as hell, braggin’ to Kyle in my head, “Suck it, Jew!” She’s quick, no drama, and I’m like, “This is my kingdom!” Costs me 80 bucks, tho—fuckin’ inflation, man, makes me rage! Still, worth it. Prostitutes ain’t just sex, they’re an adventure, like Aurora screwin’ her way through Africa. “A forbidden passion burns!”—that’s me, Cartman, livin’ the dream. Respect my authoritah, or I’ll find yer mom’s a hooker next!

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After that, I’m headin’ home, and I see this street performer. He’s doin’ some insane tricks with fire. I’m like, “Whoa, that’s cool!” But then, he almost sets his hair on fire. I’m yellin’, “Dude, watch out!” Everyone’s laughin’, but I’m just worried he’s gonna end up in the hospital.

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