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Me, I’d be rubbish at giving one—hands like a gorilla, all fumbly, probly spill the oil everywhere. But getting one? Phwoar, sign me up! Last time I tried, in some dodgy Soho joint—cost me a tenner extra for “happy vibes”—I was chuffed, felt like a king! Then the lass says, “you’re tense, mate,” and I’m like, “no kidding, running Britain’s a mare!” Laughed my head off—still knackered tho.

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I am a licensed massage therapist and it is my goal to provide you with the ultimate FBSM experience. Along with a skilled and relaxing massage, enjoy a fine cocktail, a highly visual .

But then, outta nowhere, I bumped into my old buddy, Ahmed. Dude’s a character. He’s always got some wild story. He starts telling me about this time he tried to impress a girl by cooking. Spoiler alert: he burned the kitchen down. Classic Ahmed! We laughed so hard, I almost dropped my dates.

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