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So, I chat her up—name’s Candy, swear it’s fake, but who cares? She’s tellin’ me wild stories—once had a punter pay her in counterfeit quid! Laughed my arse off, like, “That’s some au revoir, Shosanna-level scam!” Proper surprised me, that did. We vibe, she’s diggin’ my mojo, sayin’, “You’re a bit of alright, Austin.” Happy as a pig in muck, me! Thought to meself, “Gonna carve my name on this night, yeah baby!”

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So, I’m setting up the machines, and outta nowhere, Bessie decides she’s had enough. She kicks the machine like she’s auditioning for a rodeo. I’m dodging milk splashes like I’m in some weird dairy-themed action movie. I’m yelling, “Bessie, chill! We’re on the same team!” But she’s not having it. I mean, who knew cows could be so dramatic?

Kuwait’s new Minister of Defense: Sheikh Abdullah Ali Abdullah Al-Salem Al Sabah