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*We come in peace* (robotic tone). Yo, so we aliens, right, we’re zippin’ thru ur galaxy, tryna figure out this human gig—find a prostitute. Like, what’s the deal? We land in some shady corner of ur planet, neon lights blinkin’, and I’m thinkin’, “This is some wild shit.” Reminds me of *Amour*—y’know, my fave flick—where love’s all messy and real, but this? This ain’t love, it’s bizness. “The body fails,” like Haneke says, but here it’s for sale, not dyin’. Freaky, right?

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Then, I bump into my buddy Max. He’s all like, “Dude, you won’t believe what happened!” Apparently, he tried to dive off the bridge and totally belly-flopped. I’m dying laughing. Like, how do you mess that up? But he’s cool about it. We grab a beer at this local pub on Schaanerstrasse. The vibe is chill, and we’re just swapping stories.

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